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Issue date: 11/19/09 Section: Forum

Rihanna and Sawyer discuss domestic abuse on national TV

On Nov. 6, Rihanna sat down with Diane Sawyer for a revealing interview about the pop singer's abusive relationship with Chris Brown.

At the time of the interview's first airing, I appreciated Rihanna's brave admission of what it is like to be in an abusive relationship. She perfectly described the anatomy of domestic violence. The various and often conflicting thoughts and emotions that keep women going back to and staying with their abusers. The amazing amount of denial that informs everything you do in regards to the person you are with, and the tremendous amount of guilt and shame that come with not being able to walk away. The 20/20 segment struck a chord with me, and yet it was not the interview, but the public's reaction that moved me to write this piece.

In the past two weeks since Rihanna's public recount of her experiences with Brown, a slew of discussions have popped up all over television and the Internet. On numerous talk shows, various survivors of domestic violence, some famous, some not, have lent voices of support; however, there have been a large number of people who have questioned Rihanna's motives and culpability in provoking Brown's abuse.

As unbelievable as it may be, there is a segment of the population that is more than willing to defend Brown's behavior. One blogger on EW.com wrote, "Question? If the way Rihanna explains what happened is to be believed, and it just went from argument to beating, how did she get bite marks on her feet? And why were her feet anywhere near Chris Brown's face when he was driving? There is way more to this story and after waiting so long to discuss what happened, she should have just put it behind her. Not suddenly exploit it because she has an album to release in 2 weeks."

This is just one of many postings that rally around Brown and work to place blame for Brown's actions on Rihanna. More shocking than the comments themselves is the unspoken sentiment that is contained in them: the all too common tendency to place responsibility on the victim. Not everyone feels this way, but there is a large enough portion of the population that does to make it an issue. If, indeed, Rihanna did feel the need to omit certain actions taken on her part during the episode with Brown, one can assume that it is due to the fact that, had she admitted to striking out, it would have somehow placed her at fault for what happened to her. No matter what Rihanna did or did not do, she is not to blame, no woman is. It is the voice of the abuser that says, "You pushed me over the edge, this is your fault." No, it's not, and until that becomes the unspoken sentiment, the cycle of violence will never be broken.

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